Exhausted

Based on last nights post I should be doing something constructive. Instead, after a stressful day dealing with work stuff and an evening of not-so-easy parenting...all I can bring myself to do is sit. Surely this difficult stage will get better soon.

Super Mom - I Wish!

I have this vision of how I want things to be. It's a great vision in which I'm in the star, leading roll as the bestest, coolest, most awesome mom and wife ever! It goes like this...

I want to be...

• the mom who always stays calm and collected
• the mom that never loses her patience and screams like a mad woman
• the mom that fixes the healthy snacks and lunches - free of processed foods -- every day
• the mom that keeps the house clean
• the mom that has everything is organized and looking good
• the mom who keeps up with her blogging
• the mom that keeps up with the dishes
• the mom that can keep the garden growing something other than weeds
• the mom that has it all together and remembers to take a shower every day
• the mom that can stick to a healthy eating plan for more than a day and a half
• the mom that stays on top of meal planning and grocery shopping
• the mom that doesn't wear extra large yoga pants all the time
• the mom that doesn't put her hair in a pony tail everyday
• the mom that fits back into her old clothes
• the mom that volunteers for extra stuff
• the mom that isn't grumpy all the time
• the mom that doesn't get stuck on the internet when she should be doing all the above
• the mom that walks and exercises and looks great

What I am...

• the mom that is not calm and collected AT ALL
• the mom that looses it too much and yells
• the mom that decides the "breakfast" and "lunch" at school must be health enough or they wouldn't be able to serve it (yeah right!)
• the mom that can keep one room clean..maybe...for like...an hour
• the mom that isn't organized at all
• the mom who barely writes on her blog at all even though she wants to
• the mom that always seems to have dishes in the sink and a dishwasher to empty
• the mom that can't keep 1 plant alive for more than a week
• the mom that gives in to the junk food and fast food because well...its easier 
• the mom that doesn't plan the meals and do the shopping because the shopping trip today ended with leaving with no groceries...which then led to scream like a mad woman
• the mom that has "dress" sweats which are newer and less faded than the regular yoga pants
• the mom that is grumpy because after fighting about brushing teeth and brushing hair, and talking back, and being sassy, and doing homework, and cleaning your room...it's hard NOT to be grumpy
• the mom that is so tired from the day that all she can manage is surfing the web
• the mom that is so exhausted that nothing gets done after J's bedtime
• the mom that loves her daughter so very much that it breaks my heart that I can't be all the things I want to be for her!

I try to come up with good ways to stay on track...but then get side-tracked so easy. It's frustrating and overwhelming to say the least...but I know I must keep swimming. Just keep swimming. And hope that tomorrow it all falls into place more along the lines of the first list.

I left Jessica's softball game yesterday SOOOO frustrated because they should have won the game. But due to (in my judgmental opinion) some not so good base coaching they lost right at the end. And I had to console my crying daughter and explain to her that she did everything right...but was out just the same. 

And then...I got in the car to drive home and heard more reports of the bombings in Boston and I thought...you know what...the fact that they lost that game doesn't really matter in the big scheme of things. I thought about this family ... who has to let go of their son and had to make decisions about donating organs and how to explain to the little brother why his big brother wasn't coming home this time. And I was so very thankful that I had my sassy, frustrating, mini-me to hug tight and tuck into bed. I'm so very thankful that God has blessed me with Jessica and Chris and that I have the opportunity to be a wife and mom. And I'm reminded that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" and that I only have to remember to ask. And pray. And ask. And pray. And remember that I can't do it alone. 

So...I'm going to go tuck my baby girl in...and read some bedtime stories...and kiss her good night and tell her how much I love her. And when I wake up tomorrow it will be a new day...and a new chance to tackle a few things on the top list!

Remember...keep praying and keep swimming.

My How Time Flies

Today is April 4th and on Saturday April 6th, my "baby" girl turns 7. SEVEN! (She hates it when I call her baby. Even though I try to explain that doesn't mean she IS a baby, it means she'll always BE my baby.) I can hardly believe it's been 7 years. Everyone always says..."don't blink" and that the time goes by so fast. Which is certainly true. I feel like just yesterday Chris and I were watching TV while Jessica was growing inside me...and we were wondering what she would be like, who she would look like? Little did we know!

Jessica is my world. Watching her grow and learn and struggle is a blessing, wonderful, and heart wrenching...she IS my heart, walking around outside my body. I want to cherish every moment, and I do! But there are also times when she's being such a pain in the butt, that I want to scream (and occasionally do) and run and hide. I think this post by Momastary sums up the other side of "don't blink" very nicely. I know I have days like this for sure. Do you?

But on the flip side...we DO have to cherish every moment because they DO go by to fast. We always want to remember the "firsts." Oh my...she rolled over for the first time today! Or, oh...she took her first steps. But it's the "lasts" that we really need to remember. (I heard this once somewhere and can't for the life of me remember but it stuck with me!) The lasts. The last time she said "losh" instead of lotion after a bath. The last time she said "appy juice" instead of apple juice. The last time she snuggled close as I rocker her to sleep. The last time of "momma up." The last time she crawled instead of walked. The last time I changed her diaper or made that bottle of milk. Those are the moments we celebrate without even knowing. Those are the moments we morn because we never get them back...and don't realize they are gone until much too late. I just went back and opened a log I kept when Jessica was very little. It's a list of all kinds of "firsts" but I don't have a single "last."

What I did find, that I had completely forgotten I wrote, was this letter.

August 19, 2006 

Dear Jessica Faith,  

Words can’t begin to describe the love I feel for you. I have always been a very emotional person but that doesn't begin to describe the emotion I feel each day when I see you smile or you hug my neck or you just look into my eyes. I have waited my entire life – praying, hoping, and wishing for your daddy and you – and now you are here. You put such a smile in my heart each time I see you. 

You are such a good, happy baby. Don’t get me wrong – you have your occasional moments when you cry with all you have (usually because you are too sleepy and haven’t taken a good nap) and I usually end up crying with you trying to kiss all your tears away – but most of the time you just smile and giggle and make being your mommy such a wonderful easy job. 

I thank God each day for bringing you to me. I can’t wait to watch you as you grow and learn. We are going to have so much fun! Until then I’m going to continue to treasure every day and hold you and rock you and kiss you. I love you unconditionally with all that I have. Love,  Your Mommy

So, today...as I go through the day and time with Jessica I'm going to remember to cherish all the little moments...good and bad! I'm going to thank GOD that I have my little girl and that I'm her mom. I'm going to tell myself that her rotten, rotten mood and attitude from last night doesn't matter any more and that she didn't really mean the things she said and that today is a new day full of renewed spirit. I will enjoy my baby. Because I know all too well she'll be grown and gone before I know it. And I'll remember these moments...

My new baby girl! Jessica Faith

Leaving the hospital...

1 Year Old

2 Years Old

3 Years Old

4 Years Old

5 Years Old

6 Years Old

Happy Good Friday

I'm very glad it's Friday. I just wish the weather was a little more spring-like and not freezing-like. I'm looking forward to a nice busy weekend full of birthday parties, softball games, cleaning, Easter celebrating, and family. Please, please pray that the rain stays away on Sunday.

I hope everyone has a blessed weekend and remembers the reason for the holiday. We get into decorating for Easter around here and Jessica loves all the bunnies. I made this last night, though, as a reminder to us all that the real reason for this holiday is the death and resurrection of Christ. I saw this link on Pinterest...and I have to say I'm really liking how it turned out. AND...I got to use my laminating machine...which is always awesome.

So...just remember!

But he said to them, “Do not be alarmed. You seek Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified. He is risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid Him.

Mark 16:5-7

Happy Tuesday

Just a quick post. No big...I'm back...I'll blog everyday. Because I probably won't. But I may try and update once in a while. We'll just have to wait and see. Lot's of exciting things are going on in life. Things are busy. Things are changing. Things are exciting! Lot's to look forward to.

 As I was eating my breakfast and reading through the small list of blogs that I follow on a regular basis...one of those blogs mentioned running and the song "Girl on Fire" by Alicia Keys. No...I'm not about to take up running. In fact, I think I'm going to get this bumper sticker for my car. 

Anywho... I've heard clips of the song before on some commercial but never the entire song. I went to iTunes and downloaded it. And it came on very load loud. And it.was.AWESOME. And then..."My Hope Is You" by Third Day came on and I couldn't help but smile and Thank God for this day. I think it's going to be a great day.

I keep remembering..."I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13.
Hope everyone has a blessed day.

Enjoy...
You Tube: Alicia Keys - Girl On Fire

~y~

The Newest Addition - Bella

I had completely forgotten what it's like to have a puppy. Bella quickly brought me up to speed. She's growing so much and getting into all kinds of trouble. She's a chewer. Our basset hounds didn't really chew anything. Bella will chew everything... including the corner of the stairs and couch!

She's sort of sleeping through the night now. She only wakes once between 4 and 5. The problem is - she refuses to go back in her box. So if I don't want her to wake up the rest of the house with her crying and barking - she and I get to sleep on the couch the rest of the "night."

She loves to wrestle and play with the basset's and they all love to chase the cat.

The only downside to the new puppy is that due to the increase in activity that the basset's are getting - Baily is having issues again with his hips. We've also found out he has a thyroid problem and needs to lose 30 pounds. It's a sad time for Bailey right now. No more treats all day long, diet food, and lots of meds.

But, I will tell you what makes it all worth while. When Jessica is holding Bella and looks at me and says - "I love you mommy - thank you for getting me Bella!"

Hilarious.... and the 2012 update

I follow several blogs on a regular basis, and have added some this year. Reading and enjoying other people's blogs always makes me think of my own. I think it is hilarious that I only made 2 entries last year - both about resolutions that were abandoned right way. So this year, NO resolutions! Just a hope that I'll stick to the diet (Weight Watchers) and exercise program that we started (I'm actually really enjoying it), and that I'll update this blog more than just this one time! We shall see. Maybe next January I can just cut and paste the same blog entries! Let's HOPE not!
BUT here is an update to start the new year....


Christmas and New Year's with Family
We spent Christmas Eve and morning with my mom, step-dad, brother, his new wife, and his daughter in Cumming GA this year. It was a wonderful time and the girls really enjoyed being with each other! After opening presents and enjoying and excellent Christmas morning casserole, we packed up and headed to Chris' parent's house to enjoy a second Christmas. It was good to see and spend time with the family. We headed home around 5 (sans Jessica but with the new puppy) for a quite evening at home. We got completely sucked into watch The Walking Dead! It was really good and neat to see scenes from the Atlanta area in the show. Looking forward to watching season 2 now that we have those!


New Addition to the Family
We've been talking about a puppy for a while. BUT, since Chris' sister had a whole litter of Labradoodle's...I convinced Chris that we need to get Jessica one for Christmas. She is super cute and Jessica named her Bella. She's super smart and already sleeping (mostly) through the night. If she does get up early (between 4:30 and 5:30...I just sleep on the couch with her.) Here's a picture of her and Jessica this morning! Jessica loves her! We think she'll look more like a lab than a poodle and can't wait to watch her grow.

Ongoing Project Update
Jessica got an American Girl Doll for Christmas. I had hoped to postpone this purchase for a year or two more but both her older cousins and her best friend Emma have American Girl Dolls! So...you know how that goes. Chris made her this bunk bed (Ana White AG Doll Bunkbed) and I've bought the materials for the bedding to hopefully make this week. I also want to learn to use some of the building tools we have, so I'm planning on making this picnic table for her with Chris' help. I'm looking forward to these projects and will try and post pictures of them when complete!

Household Organization
I feel like every room in my house is a disaster. I can't even get a Diet Coke from the fridge in the garage without tripping over something that doesn't even below there! My goal is to start organizing one room or area at a time. It will be a LOT of work! I started on the "junk counter" the other day. This is the area of counter space just inside the garage door. We end up dumping everything here and it's always out of control. The top is at least cleaned off a bit now. Today I tackled putting the DVDs into the built in cabinet and organizing all the games in the same area.

Super boring life details, but important stuff to me just the same. I've had a great day off with my husband and daughter and know now I'm going to really miss having her around all the time when school starts back later this week.