The Narrow Gate...a personal blog: My How Time Flies

Today is April 4th and on Saturday April 6th, my "baby" girl turns 7. SEVEN! (She hates it when I call her baby. Even though I try to explain that doesn't mean she IS a baby, it means she'll always BE my baby.) I can hardly believe it's been 7 years. Everyone always says..."don't blink" and that the time goes by so fast. Which is certainly true. I feel like just yesterday Chris and I were watching TV while Jessica was growing inside me...and we were wondering what she would be like, who she would look like? Little did we know!

Jessica is my world. Watching her grow and learn and struggle is a blessing, wonderful, and heart wrenching...she IS my heart, walking around outside my body. I want to cherish every moment, and I do! But there are also times when she's being such a pain in the butt, that I want to scream (and occasionally do) and run and hide. I think this post by Momastary sums up the other side of "don't blink" very nicely. I know I have days like this for sure. Do you?

But on the flip side...we DO have to cherish every moment because they DO go by to fast. We always want to remember the "firsts." Oh my...she rolled over for the first time today! Or, oh...she took her first steps. But it's the "lasts" that we really need to remember. (I heard this once somewhere and can't for the life of me remember but it stuck with me!) The lasts. The last time she said "losh" instead of lotion after a bath. The last time she said "appy juice" instead of apple juice. The last time she snuggled close as I rocker her to sleep. The last time of "momma up." The last time she crawled instead of walked. The last time I changed her diaper or made that bottle of milk. Those are the moments we celebrate without even knowing. Those are the moments we morn because we never get them back...and don't realize they are gone until much too late. I just went back and opened a log I kept when Jessica was very little. It's a list of all kinds of "firsts" but I don't have a single "last."

What I did find, that I had completely forgotten I wrote, was this letter.

August 19, 2006

Dear Jessica Faith,

Words can’t begin to describe the love I feel for you. I have always been a very emotional person but that doesn't begin to describe the emotion I feel each day when I see you smile or you hug my neck or you just look into my eyes. I have waited my entire life – praying, hoping, and wishing for your daddy and you – and now you are here. You put such a smile in my heart each time I see you.

You are such a good, happy baby. Don’t get me wrong – you have your occasional moments when you cry with all you have (usually because you are too sleepy and haven’t taken a good nap) and I usually end up crying with you trying to kiss all your tears away – but most of the time you just smile and giggle and make being your mommy such a wonderful easy job.

I thank God each day for bringing you to me. I can’t wait to watch you as you grow and learn. We are going to have so much fun! Until then I’m going to continue to treasure every day and hold you and rock you and kiss you. I love you unconditionally with all that I have. Love, Your Mommy

So, today...as I go through the day and time with Jessica I'm going to remember to cherish all the little moments...good and bad! I'm going to thank GOD that I have my little girl and that I'm her mom. I'm going to tell myself that her rotten, rotten mood and attitude from last night doesn't matter any more and that she didn't really mean the things she said and that today is a new day full of renewed spirit. I will enjoy my baby. Because I know all too well she'll be grown and gone before I know it. And I'll remember these moments...